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Sunday, December 30th, 2001
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Friday, December 28th, 2001
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Thursday, December 27th, 2001
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Wednesday, December 26th, 2001
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| Time: | 10:08 pm. |
| Music: | livehouse - hanging by a moment. |
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im re-doing my memories, im not finished yet... but reading stevens journal makes me wonder if he would be happier without me. he seemed happier before he was with me..
it wont leave my mind that i hurt him....
why was i so stupid, i dont want to hurt my baby.
and still i did, im so fucking stupid.
im so sorry steven, i never meant to hurt you..i dont know why i wrote that. i never wanted that while i was with you. never.
and i dont want anyone else. i love you. im not interested in other people the way you thought.
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[ watch the blood flow and dig the blade further in ]
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yesterday was ok.. i saw the harry potter movie wich is great but when we got back i was helping mom by cleaning out the dishwasher and then she started yelling at me to get out of her way.. so i said:"I was just trying to help.." and then she started yelling at me some more because of the 'tone i said it'. so when i said she was being unreasonable cause she was saying stuff that wasnt true she put up her middle finger at me. so she ended up refusing to eat with me at the same table and she ate a sandwich and that made her more angry. so then i got angry too and said i was gonna take a shower but i went to my room first just listening to music and other stuff. i wasnt allowed online anymore.
so today was better i guess. we stayed home and mom was actually nice the whole day!!! (o.O)
we did some game it was kinda weird you had to find logos on the internet but i found the answers and we cheated lol. we did presents today because i said i didnt want to yesterday.
i was gonna post some pix but mom put my hair weird and ive been laughed at enough for today......so no pix. i really feel like crying stuff happened i rather not talk about here. i really have to say that you must see the harry potter movie its real good...
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[ watch the blood flow and dig the blade further in ]
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Tuesday, December 25th, 2001
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Monday, December 24th, 2001
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Saturday, December 22nd, 2001
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Friday, December 21st, 2001
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| Time: | 10:56 pm. |
| Mood: | pissed off. |
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yesterday i wrote a really big entry and then when i clicked on update livejournal crashed.. :(
so i wont type it all out again just make it short.
yesterday i missed talked with steven because sme stupid kid was talking to me for like 2 hours!! his name is thomas and i REALLY dont like him at all. and whats really annoying is that he started talking in greek and latin to me to show me that i am stupid and that i cant do gymnasium. bah, im happy with HAVO. anyway franka translated it for me and turns out he was insulting me >:( calling me the one thing that REALLY upsets me if someone calls me that.. anyway, he says he can breakdance. and then he started bragging about how good he was blabla. he showed me how to moonwalk. i cant do it. i dont care. meh. we were just standing around the corner. so then elvis (!!) walks by and smiles at me, i was standing in front of his house (i didnt know that). eh.. so then i wanted to get rid of thomas cause i wanted to go home. then thomas tells me he hardly brushes his teeth cause he doesnt have to. i said thats bs. so then he starts bragging about how GOOOOD he can fight or something. i didnt really listen. something like hit someone with ur knuckles(????) on someones chest, or hitting someone on the nose in a certain way so the bone of ur nose will go to ur brain or something? yeah so then he started talking about nuclear explosions how only breakdancers would survive. cause they'll just do that wave thing and pass it on. yeah. weird. so i was like i gotta walk the dog bye! so i walked away but he came after me >:( ALL THE WAY TO MY HOUSE! SO NOW HE KNOWS WHERE I LIVE! IT GETS WORSE! i got daisy and wanted to walk away again and he came after me AGAIN. making comments on daisy so i threatened him which was a bad idea cause he started bragging about how he could kill me in 3 seconds or whatever. so i got annoyed and told him to fuck off and go home cause i got enough of him. but noooooo he doesnt leave. DONT YOU GET THE FUCKING POINT THOMAS!!! and like E V E R Y time i say fuck you to him he says "no thanks". >:( GRRRRR!! sooo he SAYS hes not a nerd but he IS. oh yes he is.. he knows every fucking thing about cpu's, playstations and nintendo 64's. every cheat, every hidden thingy. so ehm. he asks me what cpu u got. im like yeah i got a pentium 3. hes like"how many gigabite!?" so then i get confused and shit so i wont say anything or he'll start whining again about how dumb i must be. so he starts saying shit again and bragging and im getting sick of it so i just walk away and he follows me home and looks at the name thingies on the door and asks me if my mom is english (my moms name is Mary-Jane. NEVER call her mary lol, just jane) GOD I WANTED HIM TO LEAAAVEEE. and the he TELLS me, that he will come to my home sometime to copy my slipknot cd! then i got really pissed off hes not even ASKING but hes TELLING me he'll drop by sometime. so i said i dont have a burner!! (i do have one, i just dont ever ever want to talk to him again!) i said ill make franka do it. shell give the cd to you. and then he starts talking again and he asks me if i got a bf and i say yeah and i talk about steven so then he says when you break up would you go out with me? i said never. then he asked me if i wanted to kiss him. again i said never. he still doesnt get the point. so then he thinks trying to force me will help. wrong. WRONG! i slapped him on his cheeck real hard (LOL good for him) but it was funny cause you could see my hand print on his cheeck cause i hit him hard. well he tried to grab my hand and like put my hand put and then push it back i dunno. but it hurt. so then i hit him with my other hand. then hes like"oh watch out i can kill you, if you hit me again i will hit you 10 times harder" oh yes he thinks hes totally gonna make it with me because he calls himself: "metalhead". BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.
so then i was like:"OHh so you like dark funeral??" and hes like: HELL YEAH and starts headbangin so im like: oh, i really think they suck.. so then hes like yeah well theyre not that good. but he just got back from franka so i just missed franka so she wasnt able to save me from nerdyboy. and he thinks hes soo funny, he keeps making lame jokes and im just like :| how funny.. and he is almost rolling over the floor from laughing at his own joke. i know i dont have a great sense of humour but COME ON MAN.
ok so now hes telling all his friend he likes me and that i like him too (!!!!!!!! NO FUCKING WAY!) and he told franka soem shit thats totally NOT true and stuff. like he asked me who elvis was when he walked by and i was like no one man. (btw, i do not talk with elvis anymore.. he just walked by and he happens to live around the corner ok) uhmm. so now hes telling franka that elvis is my ex bf? and that i miss him?!?!?! and that i like thomas?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!?!??!?!?!?!!?!?!?!
HELP ME!!
and uhm. franka called me and really feels sorry for me and so does lisa and so does hanske and so does jefta and so does EVERYONE ON THIS PLANET!!! because...well....EWW! and then thomas asks me if i watch PORNO MOVIES! AND HE TELLS ME HE DOES A LOT!! HOW ABOUT: TOO MUCH INFORMATIIIIOOOOONNNNNN!!
and then he started calling me names in greek again :[ stuff that really hurts.. meh..
if you got something to say to me tell me in my face and tell me in a language that i can understand man.. what a fucking pussy. oh yeah he made up some big ass story about breaking his wrist almost while breakdancing but he just feel in school.
and THEN he asks me about my wrist cause he was gonna hit me but i blocked it with like my hand with the side of the little finger (dunno what its called) but he hit me kinda hard but i didnt really feel it. so hes like wtf! how come that doesnt hurt? but i thought he didnt really hit me that hard but i dont really have feeling in that part of my hand anymore. i know why. and then he grabbed my arm andlooked at my wrist and he knew immediatly, but i didnt tell him. im embarrassed of my wrists. really. like when someone looks at it i start blushing. :( but i dont think it still looks all that bad since i stopped. :) i kinda want to put something on it i dont know the name but it makes scars look better so if steven comes here he doesnt have to see it.. mabe it will be gone then.
oh yes mom found some poems on my room and stuff i wrote/draw.. well theyre not very happy things.. but i wrote it a long time ago. voortman wants me to show them but im embarrassed.
oh and kishan (boy from my new class) is leaving the school because its too hard but my school (city college) is knwn to be the hardest one in rotterdam :( so hes going to lucia petrus mavo. and i stay in this school.
i know its my own fault but e v e r y o n e calls me slipKnot. they say the k in it. sucks ass. my name is not slipKnot.
anyway i gotta posdt this cause internet is gonna stop soon
i bought johnny the homocidal maniac the directors cut today and im off to read it cause its hella funny good night all !! :(
i love you steven and i miss you i love you so much i hope your dad will stop being such an ass soon!! well soon we'll be together baby! hang in there...
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[ 1 razorblade used to cut up my skin :: watch the blood flow and dig the blade further in ]
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Thursday, December 20th, 2001
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i was xmas shoppin with my dad and bro.. and dad wanted to eat at kfc and we were going in but like cops were there talking with this guy.. they told him to go outside with them.. but he told them to leave him alone cause his kid was eating. so they threatened him a bit like dont make me come and get you.. so then the guy just stayed there but i was right next to him so like the cops came insde and grabbed him well i left but i was outside and that guy was really fighting so the cops started to hit the guy and kick him and then i looked at his son.. and i felt so sorry for him.. his son was crying real hard trying to hurt the cops so they'd stay away from his dad but his dad just started screaming at him to go away so he wouldnt get hurt but he wouldnt leave. then his mom came and picked him up. and he started screaming for his dad.. :\
i got everyone pressies :) just one more person.. i dunno what to get..
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[ watch the blood flow and dig the blade further in ]
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psycho_angel's journal